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Original Six: Most underrated characters in hockey movies
Hockey fans will always have a special place in their heart for
movies about their beloved sport. From the serious
(“Miracle”) to the silly (“Slap Shot”), the
growing list of films portraying the game have introduced us to
some iconic characters.
And although the Hanson Brothers, Gordon Bombay or maybe even a
nonfiction character such as the legendary Herb Brooks might jump
to the forefront of our minds, there are other, less obvious roles
that deserve a proper stick salute.
6. Ned Braden in “Slap Shot”
Played by Michael Ontkean
Life wasn’t easy for Ned Braden. He was the most talented
player on the Charlestown Chiefs (and likely their leading scorer),
but no one really gave a damn. His wife was hardly a looker. In
fact, it’s pretty apparent he loved their dog more than her.
A well-educated man with a highly underappreciated sense of humor,
Braden loathed the rise to fame the Hanson brothers achieved, as
player-coach Reggie Dunlop’s squad decided to goon it up,
much to his dismay.
Nevertheless, the ultimate non-conformist came through with a
strip scene for the ages in the championship game, causing Tim
McCracken and the Syracuse Bulldogs to go to spastic —
leading to their eventual forfeit and an improbable victory for the
Chiefs.
Memorable quote: “You take the van, I’ll keep the
dog.”
5. John Biebe in “Mystery Alaska”
Played by Russell Crowe
Things weren’t exactly looking up for Mystery sheriff John
Biebe. A longtime veteran of his town’s beloved Saturday
game, Biebe appeared to be on the outs with a young hot shot ready
to snag his roster spot. With his wife encouraging retirement,
opportunity came knocking in the form of the New York Rangers
— brought to town for an exhibition game by Charlie Danner
(Hank Azaria), a writer for Sports Illustrated and former Mystery
resident.
Determined not to be humiliated on his own turf, Biebe heroically
captained his rag-tag bunch to within a single goal of forcing
overtime against their vaunted opponent. The loss was
gut-wrenching, but this extremely undervalued, feel-good flick was
inspirational, thanks in large part to the Aussie Crowe’s
performance.
Memorable quote: “Look at that surface out there.
That’s still black ice. This is our pond!”
4. Mike Eruzione in “Miracle”
Played by Patrick O’Brien Demsey
Kurt Russell deservedly got a heap of praise for his portrayal
of Team USA’s ever-demanding coach Herb Brooks in the film,
but O’Brien Demsey anchored a few memorable scenes. With
Brooks running the team into the ground via full-length sprints
after a poor showing in an exhibition game, players were left
sweating, puking and gasping for air.
Trying not to keel over, Eruzione barked out his name and hometown
(Winthrop, Mass.) and — unlike the rest of his fellow members
of the squad — finally gave the coach the answer he was
looking for when asked whom he plays for. The moment sparked
familial bonding and catapulted the U.S. team toward success. And,
let’s not forget, Eruzione buried the game-winner against the
Soviets.
Memorable quote: “I play for… the United States
of America!”
3. Russ Tyler in “D2: The Mighty Ducks”
Played by Kenan Thompson
Let’s face it, my fellow children of the ’80s, the
“Mighty Ducks” movies did not age well. And while we
may cringe years later at its unabashed cheesiness, there are still
parts we can appreciate, including Thompson’s character, Russ
Tyler.
In “Fresh Prince” fashion, Tyler was just hanging out
as his local park shooting pucks into a grimy trash can when
suddenly the opportunity of a lifetime landed on his lap. With the
soon-to-be-internationally-competitive Ducks on hand, Tyler
unleashed his secret weapon, firing a twisting, curving, diving
shot that even Tim Wakefield would have marveled at — earning
him an immediate spot on the squad. Where, oh, where, would our
culture be if we couldn’t drop the word knucklepuck every
once in a while?
Memorable quote: “It’s knucklepuck
time!”
2. Darren McCord in “Sudden Death”
Played by Jean-Claude Van Damme
Former firefighter Darren McCord just wanted to go see the
Penguins take on the Blackhawks in the Stanley Cup Finals with his
kids. But instead of being able to cheer on his favorite team and
eat nachos, he was forced to save the vice president’s life,
recover his kidnapped daughter, diffuse bombs, swing down from the
roof on a loose ceiling cable and kill a female baddy dressed up as
the Pens’ mascot.
While hiding from the terrorists he hadn’t killed yet, Van
Damme posed as Pittsburgh’s goalie, came into the game and
made a highlight-reel save. There’s no doubt every
hockey-loving kid watching this imagined how awesome such a moment
would be.
Memorable quote: “I get your bombs, I win. That’s
the game we’re gonna play, you piece of
…!”
1. Denis Lemieux in “Slap Shot”
Played by Yvon Barrette
Any hockey fan that hasn’t seen “Slap Shot,” or
dares make the accusation that it’s overrated, is often
shunned, tarred and feathered or burned at the stake. Personally, I
think they can make an argument that the ’70s classic might
be overhyped, but anyone who doesn’t find goalie Denis
Lemieux downright hilarious is void of a sense of humor.
From his demonstration of hockey penalties in the opening scene to
his mispronunciation follies, the Chiefs netminder steals every
scene he’s in. It’s a miracle his agent never got in
touch with “who own the Chief” to make sure he got
traded “right (bleeping) now!”
Memorable quote: “I hate it here. Make me sick. My
allergy, puke every time. Blugh! Like that. Puke!”
This article originally appeared in the September 2011 issue
of New England Hockey Journal.
Jesse Connolly can be reached at jconnolly@hockeyjournal.com
