Pierre LeBrun made those reading his latest column on ESPN.com do a double-take on Thursday, as he noted that sources have indicated to him that Bruins goaltender Tim Thomas is considering taking the 2012-13 season off. Earlier in the day, CSN’s Joe Haggerty wrote that the 38-year-old moved his family to Colorado midway through this past season.
Rather than just stop right there and regurgitate news that's a few hours old (aka ancient news in today's world), here are our purely sarcastic guesses as to why the two-time Vezina Trophy winner -- who we still hold in high regard -- just might do so:
10. Made the mistake of searching for “what’s going on in 2013” on Google, and has now decided to spend the next 18 months in a cave deep below the Rocky Mountains.
9. All that hockey nonsense would likely get in the way of his budding acting career.
8. Wants to spend the next year cooped up with his wife and kids at the Stanley Hotel in Colorado, the ominous, supposedly-haunted location that Stephen King’s “The Shining” was based on. Worked out great for the Torrance family, who says it won’t for the Thomas clan?
7. Traveled in his DeLorean to the spring of 2013 and confirmed the season was wiped out by yet another lockout. Wanted to beat the other 700-or-so players in the NHL to the punch.
6. Still can’t believe Tyler Seguin and Tuukka Rask were the two Bruins in the running in EA Sports NHL 2013 cover vote. Did the universe sleep through the entire 2011 playoffs or something?
5. Feels he’s proven himself to be pretty awesome at thwarting the NHL’s most lethal snipers and needs a greater challenge. Has accepted new job with Red Sox: Daisuke Matsuzaka’s personal catcher when he rejoins the big club.
4. Is taking time out to help his wife conceive another child whose name will not begin with a 'K', just to make sure everyone knows the only group he's a member of, aside from the Bruins, is the NHLPA.
3. Did Mitt Romney pick a running mate yet? VP TT kind of has a nice ring to it, no?
2. Not dealing with the Boston media for another season just might be worth five million bucks.
1. Since everyone on HF Boards has already packaged him with David Krejci and traded him to Columbus for Rick Nash anyways, Thomas realizes he’d be better off setting out on a journey to supermarkets across the continent in search of a Stanley Cup ring in a Cracker Jack box rather than actually trying to win one with the hopeless Blue Jackets.